How hard would it be, if things have gone differently?

This is one of the questions I ask myself in quiet times. It is in these moments when I get to confront myself and be able to answer tough questions.

As an engineer, I was trained to work with numbers, patterns, logic and relationships. This enables me to design and create systems. Had these thoughts not crossed my mind, much of my time might still be confined in stuff that only has to do with engineering.

I understand that we all have to fill different roles in society in order to make progress. Different people do different things. As I observed, we all, ultimately, do the same things but we tend to operate in different mindset and perspective. It bothers me to think that most of us spend the big chunk of our lives perfecting our craft, our profession or whatever it is we do. Quite in the contrary, certain areas of our lives require us to function in a more flexible and general fashion.

I wonder. If we spend much of our time in understanding people, in understanding how we interact with one another, maybe we would get to see a better life. It is quite stunning that most of us tend to devote their lives in the study of the objects of the world; learning about computers, animals, plants, even the heavenly bodies, but not about people, as human beings, with whom we spend our entire life with. I wonder how different would it be.

As I ponder through these thoughts, there’s a certain subject that I have in mind – Relationships.

I said earlier that I’m an engineer. I work, using the laws of science and nature, to design and create systems. The wonderful thing about this, is I get a certain degree of control and somehow I could predict the results. I call the shots.

I wish I could say that the same is true for relationships. So when the time comes that they have to end, we could easily have them ended just as how beautifully as we intended them to be, in the beginning. But I guess they are not, and I’m afraid they could never be. We hurt, we lost but somehow we trust and ultimately, we love. Relationships, unlike engineering, are not governed by exact science. When some series of events happen, natural or otherwise, one after another, relationships could end up severed, in a dead-end. In some cases, it is too late to be saved; although personally, I don’t close doors on people.

As human beings, we all have hopes and wishes; frustrations and regrets. At one point or another, we bet on people to be there for us, with us, as part of our future. But for certain reasons, they cannot or for others, we simply cannot. When we dwell deep inside to look for the right reasons and for the seemingly good answer, it is there where we find how hard it is to let go, or how hard it is to believe that it isn’t worth to give up.

As they say, all things must pass and all things inevitably come to an end. It is right there where I am certain: in every ending, there are thoughts, feelings and words which never found their way toward expression…

So, how hard would it be, if things have gone differently?



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